Are any marriages ever safe in Hollywood?

Find out how to get and keep the one you love - click here

 

 

Are any marriages safe in general?

My gay friend always smiles at men who are straight.  I tell him that they are straight and that he has no chance.  To this retort he casually responds, "I assume they are gay until proven otherwise." 

Now this struck me as a rather opportunistic way of dating.  I never advise dating anyone who is married, in a relationship or just out of  a long term relationship.  These types are the taboo of the dating world.  However, some people don't seem to have any problem racing after those who are not actually on the market.  My friend's dismissive behaviour toward straight men, gave me food for thought.

I began to think maybe Hollywood celebrity couples probably encounter a similar dilemma more than most of us.  For over a decade Johnny Depp was all loved up with Vanessa Paradis  

So what happened?  The answer may lie in the constant bombardment of good-looking people around them.  Goes to say, too much of one thing is sometimes not a good thing.

Yet, one must not forget that - you can take a horse to water, but you can't make them drink!



According to the Daily Mail, at 50, Johnny Depp is supposedly engaged to 27 year old,  Amber Heard.  I am sure if this relationship ends there would other women lining up to take her place.

What is Love?

By the By

Find out how to find your Soulmate, click here!

Many people imagine love to be this passionate, overwhelming feeling of being swept off your feet.  While these emotions are a part of the love process, feelings of infatuation and giddiness are usually gone after the first couple of months.  Love is more meaningful than sweaty palms and hurling heartbeats.  Love is more powerful than any other force on earth. 
 
Sometimes when you are in a revolving door relationship or with someone intent on playing games, you will flow between endless highs and lows.  In the highs, you may believe that you are in love. In the lows, you will experience the pain and anguish of unrequited love.  Rest assured this is not real love. 
 
Love has a comfort element in it that is fed by a bond of trust.  It is the security of knowing that you are loved by someone special.  While love takes work, it is not about you always giving 150%.  In a loving relationship, if you give 50% and the other give 50% you will have 100% and a complete relationship.  The other 50% is yours to keep, to nourish yourself and your essence. 

Love brings together two people who are committed to each other, but who also love themselves well enough to spend time alone.  If you find that you hate being alone in your own company, then it will be difficult for you to give love to someone else.  Your need for love will be so overpowering, you will suck the life-force from the one you love.

 

Poem: What is Love?

Love is as powerful as any reckoning force.
Love is physical and mental intertwined.
Love is not about sex and it never will be.
Sex is a by-product of love.
Sex enhances love when the two people are willing to share themselves in an
unselfish way.

When someone is in love they see  others with eyes of love.
They accept others without feeling the need to criticise.
Their heart is open to the grace love brings.

Love is often represented in balloons, clowns, teddy bears.
Love is receiving roses red and white.
Loving is the feeling of total contentment and bliss.
Love is the joy of having received your first kiss.

Love is the joy of spending every moment together.
Love is the tormenting anguish you feel when you are apart.
Love is knowing someone cares and cries for you.
Love is knowing you have someone who is always on your side.

Love is a precious gift.
Love is sacrificing your freedom so that others can really live!
Love is being there when others need your strength and courage.
Love is the easiest and the hardest thing to give.

There are so many who would give anything to have true love.
A world filled with love is a world that is happier and kinder to each
other.
Love heals and guides you to your true destiny.
Love lights the path to your soul and brings you into harmony with
the earth.
Love lingers in the memory of the world to the very end of time.

by Love Decoder

Single for the holidays? Find out which celebrities suffered the curse of the reality tv!

If you are single for the holidays, don't worry,  even some of the richest and attractive celebrities are single this holiday or still working through failed relationships.

If you are single this holiday, do not go out in a desperate quest to find someone to fill your holiday partnerless gap.  Instead of an out of control campaign to find someone before the New Years ball falls in Times Square, NYC, take this time to learn something new about yourself.

Singledom is a Unique Opportunity to Find Your Soulmate

Singledom does not have to be a curse.  You should never be embarrassed about being single, no matter how old you are.  You should be embarrassed about getting wasted and waking up with random people. That is definitely not the way to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

If you find yourself experiencing the singleness blues this holiday season, just look at  a few stars who have it all and still cannot seem to find true love.

The Curse of the Reality TV!

One unfortunate partnership to hit the rocks this year was Khloe and Lamar.



Khloe Kadashian and Lamar Odom



What made this marriage fall apart is anyone's guess. 

I believe it was the curse of the reality show. 

Khloe and Lamar were so in love or so it seemed. You can never tell with reality TV.

Rumour has it that Khloe is already hooking up with another athlete.  What does this say?

Well, simply, she clearly does not want to be alone for the holidays and has quickly found someone to stand in Lamar's place for the holidays.

 

Another holiday hookup in my view is Harry Styles and the smallest Kadashian sister, Kendall. They were seen going on a date and the rumour mills have been churning ever since. All I can say is, if people are getting together so close to the holidays, then these romances will be done and dusted by Valentines Day.  Remember, you heard it here first!

 

 

However, Khloe and Lamar were not the first couple to fall victim to the curse of the reality show.

 

 

Do you remember the loved up Peter Andre and Katie Price?  A romance which

started in  the - I am a Celebrity, Get me out of Here! - jungle and spun into a

reality TV show.  For many episodes the couple paraded their love on TV and then

almost overnight it was over - people wondered if it was a TV stunt - but it was not.

What happened? The reality show curse, of course!

 

 

 

 

What about an American newlyweds turned Exes - Jessica Simpson and Nic Lachey?

According to People Magazine Online, Nick Lachey Hasn't Talked to Ex-Wife Jessica Simpson in Six Years. Who would have believed that their marriage would have ended so badly?

Who would have known that  divorce was in the cards for this fairy-tale couple.

 

 

 

Perfection is an Imaginary State

 

These failed marriages should prove to you that even the most beautiful people are not guaranteed a happily ever after.  So if you are feeling that you are not good-looking enough, rich enough, funny enough or not enough in general, just remember, even those who you think have all of those things, are still not good enough. 

 

 

What it means is that, no one is perfect, so give yourself a break!  Learn to love the skin you are in.  At the end of the day, all you have is yourself.  If you won't stand up for yourself, then who will?  Give yourself a hug and smile because you are perfect just as you are! 

 

 

So if you are single be happy that you have the opportunity to find someone who was meant for you. On the bright side, at least you are not stuck in a loveless relationship.  The holidays can be tough if you are single as you see everyone around you having fun with their partners.  However, what you see on the outside is not always what is happening on the inside.  I had my worst break-up ever at Christmas!  It was so painful, in that moment, I would have given anything to be far away from the maddening crowd. A painful and sad New Years after a Christmas breakup is the worse!  So you are lucky you will not have to endure this pain. You can start the New Year with a clean slate and a joyous spirit!

 

  

In case you are wondering what you can do for the holidays, I will give you some hints next week.  So keep your head held high, keep keeping on and watch this space!

 

If you are super ready to find your soulmate, don't forget to grab a copy of my new book: How To Find Love Online:  The Ultimate Guide to Finding Your Soulmate. Click on the pic to order

 

 

Is Cheating ever a good thing?

 

Once a cheater always a cheater...?

I have separated out two categories of cheaters (i) those in relationships (newly formed) and (ii) those in cohabitation or marriage arrangements.  The reason for doing so is simple.  If you are in an unencumbered relationship, that is, you have just started dating, it is very easy to walk away from the relationship.  In the second category, it becomes more complicated when you have kids, pets, homes and so forth tied together.

 

Some might argue that cheating is not acceptable no matter what relationship you are in, and that would be a perfectly right stance for them.  However, one person's values should not be forced unto others.  I am not so convinced that cheating is entirely a bad thing all of the time.  In some circumstances, cheating may help to reinvigorate the relationship.  I will explain further.

 

Dating and Cheating

When you are just starting to date someone, and you both have agreed to date exclusively, the last thing you expect is for that person to cheat on you.  However, in the unfortunate case that they do cheat, I say, "run like the wind, and don't look back!"

 

Any relationship that starts off on shaky ground will erupt into an earthquake.  You will get hurt, and it will not be worth it.  I know, I say best to love and be rejected, than to have never love at all. This is not that situation.  The person has blatantly displayed to you that they cannot be trusted. Lick your wounds, spend time focusing on how marvellous you are, then move on.  End all contact with that person as they are just not worth your time.

In these relationships it is very straightforward and clean cut.  If they misbehave in the early stages of the relationship, then you can be sure that they fit into the category, once a cheater, always a cheater!  You can either take the little bit of pain now, or continue and have a mountain of worse pain later! Either way it will hurt.  Do you honestly want to destroy yourself in the process by dragging it on and hoping the person will mend their ways?  The fact is, they will never change!

 

Marriage or Living Together and Infidelity

After being married for over 20 years, my married friend told me that she still got a kick out of men who still try to hit on her. I suppose it would be a lie to say that you would never feel flattered if an attractive, good-looking guy or gal looked your way.  But a fleeting feeling of sexiness is an innocent pleasure that should immediately vanish.  The problem arises when you cannot control your desire to lap up more and more of this unsolicited attention. 

 

The truth is most married people go on with their lives and deal with their marriages in their own way.  Some people find other outlets to fill the gaps in their marriage such as work, drinking or sports, while, a few may actually contemplate or even engage in infidelity.  Whatever the relationship choices,  it is clear that marriage is not always a black and white topic.  It is further complicated when kids are involved. 

 

I heard that one of the reasons people cheat in marriage is because they are not getting enough excitement and unpredictability in their marriage.  Have you ever noticed that when someone else comes sniffing around your partner, your intensity for the person rises?  Well, is dangling a little bait not worth reminding you how good you have it?


Just don't go crazy and fly into an unattractive jealous rage!  Take it as a compliment that someone sees what you have known all along. This confidence will be noticed by your partner and appreciated.  Never, start accusing them of cheating. If you do this, you may drive them to their admirer and make the situation more than just a casual and fleeting flirtation.

  

This reminded me of a movie I once saw called "Hall Pass" where one woman instigated the other women to give their spouses a weekend pass.  This concept was interesting because, the pass gave them total freedom to do whatever they liked without having to face the consequences. They did not even have to reveal what happened on the weekend to their wives.  At first the wives were reluctant, but the leading wife told them that she tried it and her marriage had never been better.  What they did not explain was whether the weekend pass was to be a continuous thing, or just a one-off in a lifetime of marriage.  I suppose while it was funny in a movie, I wondered how practical would it be in real marriages.  What do you think? 


Look, I cannot tell you whether to stay or leave your partner if they cheat.  What I can tell you is this, all that you can account for in a relationship is yourself.  The act of cheating is a betrayal, it is a betrayal of a promise, of a vow, of a trust.  Maybe, you are in a marriage that does not work for you and you need  this outlet.  Maybe you just don't love the person anymore or enough to care about whether they will be hurt by your activities.  Maybe you are someone who needs to have a bit on the side to feel that you are alive (usually points to self-esteem issues). 


Whatever the case for someone cheating, if you have been hurt  by their actions, then you must decide what is the best course for you.  However, before you go jumping on your moral high ground,  take some time to reflect and delay your judgement.


Marriage and living relationships all begin with love: the first kiss, the first touch, the thrill of being together.  If you started from this point, then something happened along the way which either severed that connection or temporarily blocked it.  Can you honestly say that apart from being faithful in the relationship, that you have been present alongside your partner?  Or have you both just fell into the daily grind of life and forgotten to take time to appreciate each other? While we are all guilty of this from time to time, has your affection been withheld or missing?  What about sex?  When was the last time you bought something sexy or did something totally romantic that reminded them how much you love them?


If you still love your partner  and can admit to cracks in your relationship, there might still be a chance to fill those cracks.  The first thing you have to do is to forgive yourself and your partner for each other's transgressions.  The problem is, if you cannot honestly forgive your partner, the relationship is over.  If your partner is not genuinely sorry and not willing to work at mending the relationship, the relationship is over.  If your partner cheats after you have started to repair your relationship, the relationship is over!

Remember, 1st time cheating shame on you.  Second time cheating - there is not return.  They have developed a taste for this activity and the flood gates are open.  Just work out your plan of escape.


A note of caution: NEVER ACCUSE SOMEONE OF CHEATING UNLESS YOU KNOW FOR SURE.

Do not take your friend's word, because sometimes these friends are the one's trying to take your place.  Listen with your heart and hear with your ears, then look for proof.  Only you can decide and know if they are cheating or not. In looking for proof, you are on shaky ground, as you will have to give up some trust to allow in distrust.  I always said, if I have to search my husbands pockets or read his phone messages, then the marriage is over. 


REMEMBER: Once trust is at issue, the relationship hits a critical point and you must be ready to deal with the fallout.  I suggest preparing yourself for all the eventuality and decide if it is really important that you find this out.  Perhaps, at this point, it is more important that you work to repair your marriage and your trust.  Sometimes, not knowing the details, makes moving on to forgiveness a lot easier.


A tip:  to change someone, all you need to do is to change your behaviour.  I don't mean acting crazy, I mean kill them with kindness.  Be coy and playful.  Imagine you are the outside love, and act in a way that will intrigue them.  Take care of your appearance, dress immaculately, when others start noticing you, your partner will soon remember why they fell in love with you in the first place.


So cheating can sometimes lift relationships out of the dust and regenerate them, making them stronger than before.  Yet, it is a risk, as you may completely lose the person you had chosen to spend the rest of your life with.  Cheating is like Russian Roulette, you never know what number will come.  Look, if you are tempted to cheat to gain some excitement, use this as a sign to indicate that you need to look after the one you love and they will reciprocate.  I suppose at the end of the day, what is life worth to you without your life partner?  Some people might be happy to just move on and live without them.  But for most, that relationship might be worth fighting for.

Just remember, in any battle, you have home court advantage, so use it well!

Why do good girls go bad? What can we learn from the Miley Cyrus saga

The simple answer is: too much of one thing is good for nothing. 

 

Too much fame and riches at a young age can disrupt your sensibilities and the true reality of life.  When you are as privileged as Miley, you never have to worry about asking your parents for things, you just get whatever you want.

It is a very peculiar thing, the grass always seems greener on the other side.  For a long time, Miley Cyrus had warmed the hearts of young girls globally.  She was a wholesome, happy, super rich teenager.  Then almost overnight, at age 20, the sweet little Miley Cyrus we had come to know and love was transformed into an exaggerated version of Lady Gaga!  Where did it all go wrong?

  What we can learn from Miley's negative media attention is that being a celebrity and having everything you want all of the time is actually quite harmful to your life.  What would make her come back to reality is to probably visit and donate some of her time and money to the people affected in the Philippines by the typhoon.  I have always found that the way to regain a good dose of humanity is to help others who are less fortunate than yourself.  By giving of yourself and time to others you will realise that the world does not revolve around what you feel should be your next attention grabbing stunt.  Life is more precious than parading around in your underwear and smoking cannabis.

I suppose one might think that Miley's behaviour showed a lack of respect for the fans who supported her career throughout the years.  Normally, one works to grow and become a better person, not to step backwards.  But remember, if you are not allowed to grow and to experience life on your own terms, sometimes, as in this case, good girls just wanna have fun!  But, once the Pandora's box is open, then it is too hard to reign it in, and unfortunately, this is the case with Miley.

   

As parents you need to teach your children the rules but, be prepared that in their need to experiment they will break some of them.  What is more important, is that they are aware of the consequences of their choices and that they are happy to live with the fallout.  For Miley, she will become unhappy with the negative publicity as she has never, in her career, been at this end of the stick.  While it is hard to reel things in, I think that you will see her trying to tone things down a bit, as was observed on the X-factor last night, when she performed her song on a sand dune without any antics.  It was definitely a more honest performance, and you really could appreciate how talented she really is.  Remember, you can learn a lot from the mistakes of others so that you don't have to experience unnecessary pain and heartache.

While many people love Lady Gaga and would accept her antics, fans were less appreciative of Miley Cyrus' emergent shockingly provocative behaviour.   Miley was obviously impressed by Lady Gaga's style and success and thought that following her path would probably allow her to break free of the good girl image. However, the difference between Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga, is that the former was a good girl turned bad, while Lady Gaga was always just as she claimed to be.  Miley built her success on her good image and moving away from this path is looking like an uphill climb.

One of the main reasons for the rejection and uproar over Miley's image was the fact that many young girls admired and envied her.  While many young girls would give anything to be a celebrity and have the success that Miley had at an early age in her career, Miley appeared bored of her fairy-tale life.  Fairytale it was, since she was engaged to be married to the rich and gorgeous Liam Hemsworth.  Again, Miley rejected this fairytale wedding, in favour of some raunchy, over exposed and questionable performances as seen at the 2013 VMA awards - was that the same girl?

 

http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://i3.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article2225065.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/Miley-Cyrus-and-Taylor-Swift--MTV-VMA-Awards-2013-2225065.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/taylor-swifts-reaction-miley-cyrus-2225117&h=409&w=615&sz=46&tbnid=ZMfD9JdgpJWVxM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=135&zoom=1&usg=__gAEHmrf6I7Z12g29P5QKM6gwHxw=&docid=ZdzOJDX7xoxZjM&sa=X&ei=YfWJUu9GzpCFB-nhgcAJ&ved=0CEUQ9QEwBA

All images copyright of google images.

What you can learn from Miley Cyrus' struggle with herself, is that having it all is actually not as great as you think.  A good strong dose of reality, a broken heart, a struggle to get something you really want, actually helps you to appreciate life and develops a deep sense of gratitude for yourself and those around you.



Divorce for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Yet another Hollywood marriage bites the dust.  We begin wonder if there is any hope for us non-celebrities in love?  After all, on paper, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, seemed to have the fairytale marriage: he a successful heart throb, her the quintessential innocent princess.  They both seemed to be so in love and so rich!

It came as no surprise that this marriage ended badly.  Tom Cruise obviously chose Katie Holmes, but did Katie really choose him?  While she was enthralled with being swept off her feet by an attentive and loving Tom, she was not on board with what was to come next.

It would appear that Tom Cruise chose Katie Holmes in the hope that she would be willing to accept his lifestyle, no questions asked.  Maybe he felt that Katie was young and impressionable enough to accept life on his terms.  Although Tom managed to work his magic for longer than expected, the glass house soon came crashing down.
While it is very hard not to like Tom Cruise and to admire his achievements, it is difficult to understand his choices especially when it comes to his religion: Scientology.  In a world of free choices and free will, it really should not matter what religion Tom Cruise chooses to practise.  However, it becomes a deal breaker when your wife is not on board.  Tom is not the only person to have to face this dilemma, I have a friend who married a Muslim man and only when their first ,child was born, did he begin to enforce the need for both his wife and child to convert to Islam.  As a devoted wife, my friend converted but she secretly confessed to me that if she had known about this before, she probably would never have married him.  Three years later and like Katie Holmes, she too is planning her escape.


So what can we learn from this divorce and marriage?  There are a couple of obvious points.

Firstly, always discuss life plans with a potential partner before walking down the aisle. 
Religion, kids, animals, family are all key issues which must be discussed openly and honestly.  If you desperately want to have kids and the other person is not interested in having kids, that is a deal breaker, don't assume you can change their minds.

Secondly, never go into a marriage trying to change or tweak the other person. 
If you cannot accept them as they are, then walk away before you end up like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.  I think, Tom hoped that Katie would just accept her new life, and that he could tweak little inconsistencies in her behaviour.  For instance, he maintained a distance from Katie's family.  Many times people who want to control the behaviour of others will actively cut them off from their support group.  It is easier to influence someone who has no one to question their decisions.

Thirdly, take care not to lose yourself in the relationship. 
If you become attached at the hip and you lose who you are, if the marriage ends, you will find that you feel empty and hopeless.  It is always a good idea to be able to be self-sufficient even though you are in a relationship.  Katie, may not have this issue as she is well off.  However, in normal terms, some women remain with abusive men simply because they cannot fend for themselves and their children.  There are a lot of wealthy men who hold executive positions in companies and are completely controlling of their wives.  I worked for a battered women's clinic and I had to opportunity to see this first hand.  It is disheartening to know that a woman stays to give her children the life they deserve while she is treated as a mere punching bag.

Fourthly, always remember that when dating the person is putting on their best behaviour.
If you spot inconsistencies or issues in this dating period, deal with them realistically.  Think to yourself that if this is their best behaviour and I have issue with it now, what happens when we are married and two to three years in, can I really put up with these traits?  Sometimes it is hard to walk away, but you may just be saving your life in doing so.
I always feel sad when people get divorced, especially when children are involved.  However, divorce is a personal decision and if that person believes that it is the best option for them and their loved ones, then all we can do is to support them.  From the outside you can have all sorts of opinions, but unless you are a fly on the wall, and with that family day in day out, I really think that you should be kind to them and withhold judgement.   Sometimes the person may be too embarrassed to tell you exactly why they left. 

To be a good friend and listener is to just be there and to offer no solutions, the person comes to what's best for them in their own time.

How was Angelina Jolie able to Steal Brad Pitt?

The question really is, was Brad Pitt up for grabs in 2005?  It is rumoured that Brad and Angelina met on the set of "Mr & Mrs Smith" and that's where it all began.

It would be easy to label Angelina as the tempest seductress who stole Brad.  But think of it, as the old saying goes: "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."  So although Brad was tempted, it was his decision to jump ship from Jennifer Aniston.

This love triangle has fascinated us for a long time, yet the lessons have evaded most of us. If you don't want to be the next person on the chopping block, better handle  these things.  A must do, if you don't want your loved one, guy or girl, to be swoop up from under your arms, never to return again.

Relationships Need Nurturing

Firstly, Jennifer and Brad must have had some gaps in their relationship for someone else to step in and fill it.  No matter how great things are, you must make time to appreciate and enjoy each other.  Always try daily to encourage and help each other.  Show genuine appreciation and compliment each other on a job well done.

Criticism Is Never Welcomed

We are all guilty of criticising each other, but it is really never welcomed.  

Men hate women to criticise them, they equate it with nagging, so be sure to find creative ways of getting them to see your point of view.  I am not suggesting manipulation, but rather, out of the box thinking.

It has been rumoured that Jennifer was furious with Brad because he made a bad comment about his marriage to Jennifer.  The truth is, no matter how long ago the relationship ended, it is still something to be left in the past.

In any relationship, it is much better to find a way to highlight the good points and be creative and sparing when pointing out a flaw.  Instead of bearing down on the person, you may show a better way by example.  As they say, action speaks louder than words, so why not try that instead.

Never spend time with a new love, rehashing all the terrible things your Ex did to you.  If you feel the need to do this, then you really are not over your Ex and your new love will feel slighted.

It Isn't Over Until Its Over For You!

This is a crucial point for anyone coming out of a relationship.  Unfortunately for Jennifer, the fans are not that forgiving.  Since we live in a society of instantanous solutions, we expect that Jennifer should move on almost immediately - well it has been over 5 years since Brad left her!

I really wish people would have more patience and realise that it takes people time to go through the grieving process.  Unfortunately, this process cannot be rushed and it is different for each person.

Many times after a break-up people choose to find someone else almost immediately.  It is a vain attempt to make the person who left them take notice.  It is their way of saying, "look at what you lost!"  However, the reality of doing something like this, only says, "I still love you and want you back."  

It is hard work coming out of a broken relationship or marriage, and you need to be kind to yourself.  It does not matter how long it takes, just take time to heal yourself.

You wonder why Jennifer has had so many broken relationships since Brad left her?  Well, isn't it obvious?  Jennifer was completely in love with Brad, she took her marriage vows very seriously, it literally broke her heart when Brad left.  All the relationships she entered after never seem to fill the void created when Brad left.

The problem is, when someone leaves you, a hole is left inside of you.  That hole is the space they occupied in your heart.  When they leave, that space becomes vacant and you literally feel the emptiness inside of you - commonly known as "heartache" or "heart break".  

Any attempts to fill this space with others, alcohol or drugs is futile.  In this case, the old adage stands true - ONLY TIME WILL HEAL A BROKEN HEART!  Enduring and growing is what is needed, not endless distractions.  You need to face the pain and accept that it is over. Through acceptance, comes freedom to live and to love again without fear.  Many people prematurely enter new relationships without resolving the hurt of the pass and this is why many new relationships fail.

We as a society need to give people space to grieve and live through loss, without forcing them to move on when they are not ready.  If they take a long time, that is okay.  

So make sure you take the time to say to your loved ones, "I love you" not in literal terms but in actions.

Remember What Mama Used to Say?

Some quotes that I grew up with seem to make me remember my childhood days of  endless cautions and warnings.

Please posts any that you remember - and tell us what it meant to you, and what you were doing at the time of the warning.

Here are my most memorable:

1. Do Leh No Man Fool You! (self explanatory really)
2. Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are
3. Birds of a feather stick together (really a reflection of #2) - means you are likely to do the same things as the company you keep.  Same goes for when you look at how much you are worth, if you want to increase your net worth, hang around those who are achieving more than you are.
4. Water sinks to its own level - this one seems to continue the myth that it we all belong to some class level and that is where we slot in
5. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! - you can hand people opportunities on a platter, but unless someone decides to partake, it is futile to force them

You can take a girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl

Hope these made you smile, as I had fond memories of trying to rule my own life and the battle my parents had trying to keep me on the straight and narrow.
 

Whitney Houston - A woman who loved too much?

Where were you when you heard of Whitney Houston’s death?

Whitney Houston won our hearts with her phenomenal voice and sweet personality.  The beginning of her career would have rivalled any of those today – Rihanna, Katy Perry - her voice was pure quality!  That was all of course, before she met Bobby Brown, started using drugs and entered into a whirlwind of domestic violence battles!

In her heyday, I rated Witney Houston as one of the greatest voices of all time.  Her close second, was in my humble opinion, Mariah Carey.   These women were the Ella Fitzgerald’s and Nina Simone’s of our time.  It was a truly sad moment when I heard of her early death.

While I would never diminish her contribution to music as a great artist or forever appreciate her amazing voice, I cannot but wonder if her career could have been longer and her life happier had she been able to come to terms with loving Bobby too much.  It seems to have all started when she met Bobby Brown, or did it? 


When Whitney met Bobby Brown in 1989, she became a woman on a mission.  Whitney was determined to own Bobby against all odds.  She wanted to be the only woman he would ever want.  Whitney did whatever it took to keep his attention.  When she felt his attention was slipping, they would have incredible fights.  Not that Bobby was a saint, but so much attention focused on him, left Whitney lacking in all other aspects of her life.  Bobby obviously did not reciprocate the intensity which Whitney brought to the relationship and so from the very beginning it was going to be an explosive encounter.  This eternally unsatisfied feeling and insecurity kept the fires burning all the more intensely.

As with any relationship, if you feel the need to change the other person, trouble will always be just around the corner.  While you get into a relationship to share, you really need to maintain a balance between the love you give to yourself and the love you give to the other person.  You should never love someone in spite of yourself.  Remember, if you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will!  Loving someone is marvellous, but it does not have to come at the sacrifice of yourself and your dreams.  This is not about compromise, which is a separate issue.  Compromise is an agreement of both partners on the path to take together.  Sacrifice is where your give all your time and energy to the other person without giving anything to yourself.  

In Whitney’s case, she was so in love and involved with Bobby that she let her career and the things she wanted to achieve, fall by the wayside.  Unfortunately, when she decided to bring her life back to where she left off, it was too late.  This is not to say, Whitney could not have had a perfectly happy life.  What was over was the life of the international, record selling songbird.  Much  to my  great sorrow, no one around her was honest enough to let her know it.  Too many concerts and tours were booked promising the old Whitney, although in truth, she was only a shadow of her former self.  I think that the public would have been happier to remember her in her heyday and not let her exhibition herself as a former had been.  It was probably this stress and pain that caused her to give up.  I am deeply saddened that she had not chosen to bless the world a second time in some other way.  

A big part of life is dealing with challenges and turning them into positives, although this is not without a lot of hard work and perseverance, it is essential if we are to live happy productive lives.   Whitney made the wrong choice for her comeback and this contributed immensely to her unhappiness and demise.

While it is never a good idea to blame someone else for your mistakes, as in doing so, you shift responsibility for yourself to that of the other person, many people share the view that Bobby Brown was instrumental in Whitney’s personal and professional  fall out.   Again, it is really the responsibility of the individual to make their life what they want it to be, in spite of those around them.  Bobby Brown was there, but he was not to blame.   It was obvious that Whitney did not have the tools and courage to rid herself of Bobby Brown.  Maybe, Bobby Brown was also stuck in the same cycle and he too could not rid himself of Whitney.  Together they expressed a united front in regard to their tormented and heated relationship.  Whitney even expressed this idea of oneness on Oprah, when explaining their relationship.   Unfortunately, no one seemed to be able to get beyond the cloud with which they both shielded themselves,  to help them both.  

We have all been there, staying with someone who just was not good for us.  They never contributed to building us up or to our general happiness.  They took from us all we had to offer and gave nothing in return.  We spent many restless nights wondering where they were or if they were telling us the truth.  We fought endlessly trying to convince ourselves that we were okay, and everyone else was wrong, even when we knew the truth.   We endlessly lived in a bubble, hiding from the truth of our circumstances, hoping it will be like it was in the beginning, but somehow, and it never turned out that way.  Luckily, the majority of us, either by near death experiences; help from friends and family; and/or a large dose of self- courage and commitment, have been able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and to start all over again.

If you can remember, Rihanna was in a similar situation not so long ago with Chris Brown.  The violence in their relationship seemed to mirror the violence and drugs in Whitney’s relationship with Bobby Brown.  What was interesting was that Whitney offered Rihanna advice; she encouraged her to get out of this kind of relationship.  Obviously, Whitney was aware of the damage this union had caused her professionally, emotionally and physically, yet by the time she had come to terms with this, and was able to do something about it – go to drug rehab and work to rebuild her career – it was too late. 

Yet the pivotal question remained, what attracted a good girl like Whitney Houston to a bad boy like Bobby Brown?  This question emerged also in the relationship of Britney Spears to Kfed.  Who would have imagined that these relationships would have caused so much pain and loss to these women?   I think the answer lies within.  Although we do not go around demanding or asking for it, we all secretly need to feel loved and accepted.  If you are unable to love yourself, you seek external validation.  This need to be loved can sometimes take control of your life and lead you to very extreme and erratic behaviour.   Britney Spears was able to successfully get through the storm while Whitney never seemed to be able to emerge from tornado that surrounded her. Even when the relationship with Bobby Brown ended, Whitney struggled to find her true self again.  Granted drugs are a terrible addiction and take a very long recovery process.  Unfortunately, for Whitney, during this recovery she lost the one thing that made her feel immensely proud and special – The Voice!

While Bobby Brown may have started the tornado which engrossed Whitney’s life, it was drugs that brought her eventual ruin.  By the time Whitney realised all that she had lost, it was too late.  The Voice was lost!  Losing her instrument was like a runner who lost their legs; I can only imagine how devastating it must have been.  Sadly, no one seemed to have the courage to level with her.  In the end, we can take comfort in knowing that we were truly blessed to have been exposed to such a magnificent and heavenly gift even if just for a moment in time – Whitney’s Voice. 

R.I.P Whitney –

May you find the peace and acceptance in death that you could not find in life.

GYT3XGUM5B2Q

Is Harry Styles too young for Caroline Flack?

Older Women and Younger men - Can it Lasts?

I am pretty sure this relationship will not make it into the next year, it will fizzle out sooner then you expect.  There are many reasons why this relationship won't work.  While men enjoy the naivety of younger women, they also like the reduced pressure to procreate.   

Some Reasons Why It Won't Work:

• There is more than 10 years between them, Harry 17 and Caroline 32. The 20s is a time when most people develop their individuality. Harry has not even properly emerged out of puberty!  Caroline should have in many ways moved beyond this stage. Her choosing to have a relationship with Harry indicates a reluctance to grow up, when she finally accepts this stage of her life, the relationship will end - as their sources of enjoyment and fun diverge.

• Evidence of failure is Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's divorce.  I am surprised it lasted that long, but it was not without a lot of effort and commitment on the part of Demi Moore.  Demi constantly tried to portray a happy couple; she also tried endlessly to appear younger.  In the end, it did not work.  It seemed that Demi became obsessed with proving the world wrong instead of accepting the reality of the mismatched union.  From her constant twitter feeds, comments and photos, you could see a tormented woman with a point to prove.  This jealousy and eagle like behaviour ultimately destroyed the relationship.  The traits that once attracted Ashton to Demi, confidence and self-worth, were both eroded at the end of the relationship.

• The question of children is always a big one.  With Caroline's biological clock ticking, this issue will inevitably rear its head.  At a time when Harry is now starting his career, this will be furthest from his mind.  This could very well be one of the factors which break the camel's back.

• Beauty and youth are very attractive to younger boys. If your girlfriend looks like your mother, it won't take long to start wondering where you went wrong.  Caroline looks her age and will not be able to compare to the newer, younger girls who will inevitably pursue Harry.   As Caroline becomes more possessive and demanding, these behaviours will drive Harry away.

I would say this is a case of Caroline Flack robbing the cradle!  

My advice to her would be to embrace her age and maturity and to find someone of equal maturity.  I am certain that Harry is definitely not the man for the job.  They can both save themselves a lot of heartbreak by doing the right thing and choosing age appropriate partners.