Where
were you when you heard of Whitney Houston’s death?
Whitney Houston won our hearts with her phenomenal voice and
sweet personality. The beginning of her
career would have rivalled any of those today – Rihanna, Katy Perry - her voice
was pure quality! That was all of course,
before she met Bobby Brown, started using drugs and entered into a whirlwind of
domestic violence battles!
In her heyday, I rated Witney Houston as one of the greatest
voices of all time. Her close second,
was in my humble opinion, Mariah Carey.
These women were the Ella Fitzgerald’s and Nina Simone’s of our
time. It was a truly sad moment when I
heard of her early death.
While I would never diminish her contribution to music as a
great artist or forever appreciate her amazing voice, I cannot but wonder if
her career could have been longer and her life happier had she been able to
come to terms with loving Bobby too much.
It seems to have all started when she met Bobby Brown, or did it?
When Whitney met Bobby Brown in 1989, she became a woman on
a mission. Whitney was determined to own
Bobby against all odds. She wanted to be
the only woman he would ever want.
Whitney did whatever it took to keep his attention. When she felt his attention was slipping,
they would have incredible fights. Not
that Bobby was a saint, but so much attention focused on him, left Whitney lacking
in all other aspects of her life. Bobby
obviously did not reciprocate the intensity which Whitney brought to the
relationship and so from the very beginning it was going to be an explosive
encounter. This
eternally unsatisfied feeling and insecurity kept the fires burning all the more
intensely.
As with any relationship, if you feel the need to change the
other person, trouble will always be just around the corner. While you get into a relationship to share,
you really need to maintain a balance between the love you give to yourself and
the love you give to the other person.
You should never love someone in spite of yourself. Remember, if you don’t stand up for yourself,
no one else will! Loving someone is
marvellous, but it does not have to come at the sacrifice of yourself and your
dreams. This is not about compromise,
which is a separate issue. Compromise is
an agreement of both partners on the path to take together. Sacrifice is where your give all your time
and energy to the other person without giving anything to yourself.
In Whitney’s case, she was so in love and involved with Bobby
that she let her career and the things she wanted to achieve, fall by the
wayside. Unfortunately, when she decided
to bring her life back to where she left off, it was too late. This is not to say, Whitney could not have had
a perfectly happy life. What was over
was the life of the international, record selling songbird. Much to my great sorrow, no one
around her was honest enough to let her know it. Too
many concerts and tours were booked promising the old Whitney, although in
truth, she was only a shadow of her former self. I think that the public would have been
happier to remember her in her heyday and not let her exhibition herself as a
former had been. It was probably this stress and
pain that caused her to give up.
I am deeply saddened that she had not chosen to bless the
world a second time in some other way.
A big part of life is dealing with challenges and turning them into
positives, although this is not without a lot of hard work and perseverance, it
is essential if we are to live happy productive lives. Whitney
made the wrong choice for her comeback and this contributed immensely to her
unhappiness and demise.
While it is never a good idea to blame someone else for your
mistakes, as in doing so, you shift responsibility for yourself to that of the
other person, many people share the view that Bobby Brown was instrumental in
Whitney’s personal and professional fall
out. Again, it is really the
responsibility of the individual to make their life what they want it to be, in
spite of those around them. Bobby Brown
was there, but he was not to blame. It was obvious that Whitney did not have the
tools and courage to rid herself of Bobby Brown. Maybe, Bobby Brown was also stuck in the same
cycle and he too could not rid himself of Whitney. Together they expressed a united front in regard to
their tormented and heated relationship.
Whitney even expressed this idea of oneness on Oprah, when explaining
their relationship. Unfortunately, no
one seemed to be able to get beyond the cloud with which they both shielded
themselves, to help them both.
We have all been there, staying with someone who just was
not good for us. They never contributed
to building us up or to our general happiness.
They took from us all we had to offer and gave nothing in return. We spent many restless nights wondering where
they were or if they were telling us the truth.
We fought endlessly trying to convince ourselves that we were okay, and
everyone else was wrong, even when we knew the truth. We endlessly lived in a bubble, hiding from
the truth of our circumstances, hoping it will be like it was in the beginning,
but somehow, and it never turned out that way.
Luckily, the majority of us, either by near death experiences; help from
friends and family; and/or a large dose of self- courage and commitment, have
been able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and to start all over again.
If you can remember, Rihanna was in a similar situation not
so long ago with Chris Brown. The
violence in their relationship seemed to mirror the violence and drugs in
Whitney’s relationship with Bobby Brown. What was interesting was that Whitney offered
Rihanna advice; she encouraged her to get out of this kind of relationship. Obviously, Whitney was aware of the damage
this union had caused her professionally, emotionally and physically, yet by
the time she had come to terms with this, and was able to do something about it
– go to drug rehab and work to rebuild her career – it was too late.
Yet the pivotal question remained, what attracted a good girl
like Whitney Houston to a bad boy like Bobby Brown? This question emerged also in the
relationship of Britney Spears to Kfed.
Who would have imagined that these relationships would have caused so
much pain and loss to these women? I think the answer lies within. Although we do not go around demanding or asking for it, we all secretly need to feel loved and accepted. If you are unable to love yourself, you seek external validation. This need to be loved can sometimes take control of your life and lead you to very extreme and erratic behaviour. Britney Spears
was able to successfully get through the storm while Whitney
never seemed to be able to emerge from tornado that surrounded her. Even when the relationship with Bobby Brown
ended, Whitney struggled to find her true self again. Granted drugs are a terrible addiction and
take a very long recovery process.
Unfortunately, for Whitney, during this recovery she lost the one thing
that made her feel immensely proud and special – The Voice!
While Bobby Brown may have started the tornado which
engrossed Whitney’s life, it was drugs that brought her eventual ruin. By the time Whitney realised all that she had
lost, it was too late. The Voice was
lost! Losing her instrument was like a
runner who lost their legs; I can only imagine how devastating it must have
been. Sadly, no one seemed to have the
courage to level with her. In the end,
we can take comfort in knowing that we were truly blessed to have been exposed
to such a magnificent and heavenly gift even if just for a moment in time –
Whitney’s Voice.
R.I.P Whitney –
May you find the peace and acceptance
in death that you could not find in life.
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