Friday 24 February 2012

Remember What Mama Used to Say?

Some quotes that I grew up with seem to make me remember my childhood days of  endless cautions and warnings.

Please posts any that you remember - and tell us what it meant to you, and what you were doing at the time of the warning.

Here are my most memorable:


  1. Do Leh No Man Fool You! (self explanatory really)
  2. Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are
  3. Birds of a feather stick together (really a reflection of #2) - means you are likely to do the same things as the company you keep.  Same goes for when you look at how much you are worth, if you want to increase your net worth, hang around those who are achieving more than you are.
  4. Water sinks to its own level - this one seems to continue the myth that it we all belong to some class level and that is where we slot in
  5. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! - you can hand people opportunities on a platter, but unless someone decides to partake, it is futile to force them
You can take a girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl

Hope these made you smile, as I had fond memories of trying to rule my own life and the battle my parents had trying to keep me on the straight and narrow.
 


Friday 17 February 2012

Whitney Houston - A woman who loved too much?

Where were you when you heard of Whitney Houston’s death?
Whitney Houston won our hearts with her phenomenal voice and sweet personality.  The beginning of her career would have rivalled any of those today – Rihanna, Katy Perry - her voice was pure quality!  That was all of course, before she met Bobby Brown, started using drugs and entered into a whirlwind of domestic violence battles!

In her heyday, I rated Witney Houston as one of the greatest voices of all time.  Her close second, was in my humble opinion, Mariah Carey.   These women were the Ella Fitzgerald’s and Nina Simone’s of our time.  It was a truly sad moment when I heard of her early death.

While I would never diminish her contribution to music as a great artist or forever appreciate her amazing voice, I cannot but wonder if her career could have been longer and her life happier had she been able to come to terms with loving Bobby too much.  It seems to have all started when she met Bobby Brown, or did it? 


When Whitney met Bobby Brown in 1989, she became a woman on a mission.  Whitney was determined to own Bobby against all odds.  She wanted to be the only woman he would ever want.  Whitney did whatever it took to keep his attention.  When she felt his attention was slipping, they would have incredible fights.  Not that Bobby was a saint, but so much attention focused on him, left Whitney lacking in all other aspects of her life.  Bobby obviously did not reciprocate the intensity which Whitney brought to the relationship and so from the very beginning it was going to be an explosive encounter.  This eternally unsatisfied feeling and insecurity kept the fires burning all the more intensely.

As with any relationship, if you feel the need to change the other person, trouble will always be just around the corner.  While you get into a relationship to share, you really need to maintain a balance between the love you give to yourself and the love you give to the other person.  You should never love someone in spite of yourself.  Remember, if you don’t stand up for yourself, no one else will!  Loving someone is marvellous, but it does not have to come at the sacrifice of yourself and your dreams.  This is not about compromise, which is a separate issue.  Compromise is an agreement of both partners on the path to take together.  Sacrifice is where your give all your time and energy to the other person without giving anything to yourself.  

In Whitney’s case, she was so in love and involved with Bobby that she let her career and the things she wanted to achieve, fall by the wayside.  Unfortunately, when she decided to bring her life back to where she left off, it was too late.  This is not to say, Whitney could not have had a perfectly happy life.  What was over was the life of the international, record selling songbird.  Much  to my  great sorrow, no one around her was honest enough to let her know it.  Too many concerts and tours were booked promising the old Whitney, although in truth, she was only a shadow of her former self.  I think that the public would have been happier to remember her in her heyday and not let her exhibition herself as a former had been.  It was probably this stress and pain that caused her to give up.  I am deeply saddened that she had not chosen to bless the world a second time in some other way.  

A big part of life is dealing with challenges and turning them into positives, although this is not without a lot of hard work and perseverance, it is essential if we are to live happy productive lives.   Whitney made the wrong choice for her comeback and this contributed immensely to her unhappiness and demise.

While it is never a good idea to blame someone else for your mistakes, as in doing so, you shift responsibility for yourself to that of the other person, many people share the view that Bobby Brown was instrumental in Whitney’s personal and professional  fall out.   Again, it is really the responsibility of the individual to make their life what they want it to be, in spite of those around them.  Bobby Brown was there, but he was not to blame.   It was obvious that Whitney did not have the tools and courage to rid herself of Bobby Brown.  Maybe, Bobby Brown was also stuck in the same cycle and he too could not rid himself of Whitney.  Together they expressed a united front in regard to their tormented and heated relationship.  Whitney even expressed this idea of oneness on Oprah, when explaining their relationship.   Unfortunately, no one seemed to be able to get beyond the cloud with which they both shielded themselves,  to help them both.  

We have all been there, staying with someone who just was not good for us.  They never contributed to building us up or to our general happiness.  They took from us all we had to offer and gave nothing in return.  We spent many restless nights wondering where they were or if they were telling us the truth.  We fought endlessly trying to convince ourselves that we were okay, and everyone else was wrong, even when we knew the truth.   We endlessly lived in a bubble, hiding from the truth of our circumstances, hoping it will be like it was in the beginning, but somehow, and it never turned out that way.  Luckily, the majority of us, either by near death experiences; help from friends and family; and/or a large dose of self- courage and commitment, have been able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and to start all over again.

If you can remember, Rihanna was in a similar situation not so long ago with Chris Brown.  The violence in their relationship seemed to mirror the violence and drugs in Whitney’s relationship with Bobby Brown.  What was interesting was that Whitney offered Rihanna advice; she encouraged her to get out of this kind of relationship.  Obviously, Whitney was aware of the damage this union had caused her professionally, emotionally and physically, yet by the time she had come to terms with this, and was able to do something about it – go to drug rehab and work to rebuild her career – it was too late. 

Yet the pivotal question remained, what attracted a good girl like Whitney Houston to a bad boy like Bobby Brown?  This question emerged also in the relationship of Britney Spears to Kfed.  Who would have imagined that these relationships would have caused so much pain and loss to these women?   I think the answer lies within.  Although we do not go around demanding or asking for it, we all secretly need to feel loved and accepted.  If you are unable to love yourself, you seek external validation.  This need to be loved can sometimes take control of your life and lead you to very extreme and erratic behaviour.   Britney Spears was able to successfully get through the storm while Whitney never seemed to be able to emerge from tornado that surrounded her. Even when the relationship with Bobby Brown ended, Whitney struggled to find her true self again.  Granted drugs are a terrible addiction and take a very long recovery process.  Unfortunately, for Whitney, during this recovery she lost the one thing that made her feel immensely proud and special – The Voice!

While Bobby Brown may have started the tornado which engrossed Whitney’s life, it was drugs that brought her eventual ruin.  By the time Whitney realised all that she had lost, it was too late.  The Voice was lost!  Losing her instrument was like a runner who lost their legs; I can only imagine how devastating it must have been.  Sadly, no one seemed to have the courage to level with her.  In the end, we can take comfort in knowing that we were truly blessed to have been exposed to such a magnificent and heavenly gift even if just for a moment in time – Whitney’s Voice. 

R.I.P Whitney –
May you find the peace and acceptance in death that you could not find in life.
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